Baby Blues

The saying Baby Blues has so many meanings for me. I definitely felt a little bluish after the baby was born, especially since breastfeeding turned out to be so hard. Glad we got through that and didn't give up! Baby Blues represents the color of most of the clothing our son received at our Showers. Never a big fan of baby blue, I must admit baby Eli looks adorable in it. And lastly, Baby Blues means missing my baby while I am at work. I took 2 months maternity leave after Eli was born. Today is my second day back and today was harder than yesterday. He was awake and cooing this morning, yesterday he was asleep. I am grateful that my mom & mother-in-law can keep Eli while we are at work and I keep hearing that the grandmother's are the second best thing but I definitely question me returning to work. I loved my time at home with our sweet baby. I am missing out on 10 hours of his day four days a week. I question if my income is really worth that. We would be okay with one salary but not as comfortable as we are now. I want lil man to have everything he needs and will one day want. Then I think... I love my job, after all I am a working gal and never saw myself as a homemaker. I finally landed a job that is challenging and am finally using that degree I am still paying for. So many things have changed in my life. Things that bothered me before don't and things that didn't bother me before do. All my thoughts are about Eli. It's no longer Travis and me, we hardly get any alone time but yet we seem to be managing just fine. I am a firm believer of saying "I Love You" often and "Thank You For All That You Do" regularly. Our glances to one another say so much more these days. We knew our lives were going to be completely different but I didn't realize how much. We can't pack up for a weekend get away like before. No more improv trips to Asheville after work or weekends. Sex can't be spontaneous like when it was just us in our house. Simple tasks such as laundry or washing up after dinner aren't so simple anymore. Lots of planning must go into things as simple as going out for dinner. Nevertheless, this new chapter in our lives is so exciting and words can't describe what it feels to be a mommy! I have stocked my office with framed pictures of that sweet face and look at him often, maybe this will get easier as time goes by. I hope anyway!